The Funniest of G.A.A. quotes

[Hocker]

GAA Quotes –

1. "I love Cork so much that if I caught one of their hurlers in bed with my missus, I'd tiptoe downstairs and make him a cup of
tea"- Joe Lynch, actor.

2. "We've won one All-Ireland in a row" -- Wexford Fan in 1996.

3. "The toughest match I ever heard off was the 1935 All-Ireland Semi-Final. After 6 minutes, the ball ricocheted off a post and went into the stand. The pulling continued relentlessly and it was 22 minutes before any of the players noticed the ball was
missing" - Michael Smith.

4. "Sylvie Linnane would start a riot in a graveyard" -- Tipp fan

5. "I'm not giving away any secrets like that to Tipperary. If I had my way, I wouldn't even tell them the time of the throw-in" -
Ger Loughnane.

6. "He's like Lazarus; but Lazarus didn't have such a sweet right boot" -Micheal O' Muircheartaigh on Colin Corkery.

7. "Whenever a team loses, there's always a row at half time but when they win, it's an inspirational speech" --John O' Mahony.

8. "There are 2 things in Ireland that would drive you to drink.GAA referees would drive you to drink, and the price of drink would
drive you to drink" -- Sligo Fan after 2002 Connacht final.

9. "The wheel fell off my mobile home" -- Offaly's Eugene McGee explains why he was late for training.

10. "When my friends were besotted with Jason Donovan, my heroes were Colm O'Rourke and Barney Rock" --
Sue Ramsbottom (Laois Ladies Captain).

11. 'We're taking this match awful seriously.We're training three times a week now, and some of the boys are off the
beer since Tuesday' -Offaly hurler quote in the week before a Leinster hurling final vs. Kilkenny

12. 'Ger Loughnane was fair, he treated us all the same during training-like dogs' - anonymous Clare hurler

13. 'Any chance of an autograph? Its for the wife....she really hates you' -Tipp fan to Ger Loughnane

14. 'You can't win derbies with donkeys' - Babs Keating before Tipp played Cork in 1990

15. 'Sheep in a heap' - Babs Keating description of Offaly in 1998.

16. 'Babs Keating 'resigned' as coach because of illness and fatigue. The players were sick and tired of him' - Offaly fan in 1998

17. 'And as for you. You're not even good enough to play for this shower of useless no-hopers' - Former Clare mentor to one of his subs after a heavy defeat

18. 'Babs Keating was arrested in Nenagh for shaking a cigarette machine, but the gardai let him off when he said he only wanted to
borrow twenty players' - Waterford fan after 2002 Munster final

19. 'They have a forward line that couldn't punch holes in a paper bag' - Pat Spillane on the Cavan football team

20. 'Meath players like to get their retaliation in first' -Cork fan1988

21. 'Meath make football a colourful game-you get all black and blue' - another Cork fan 1988

22. 'Colin Corkery is deceptive.He is slower than he looks' - Kerry fan

23. 'Life isn't all beer and football...some of us haven't touched a football in months' - Kerry player during league
campaign 1980s

Anybody got any other good ones???

[Lone Shark]

Most of these have done the rounds for ages, but there's one I saw on overheardindublin that I hadn't seen before....


On Hill 16 at a Dublin Vs Derry game a number of years back. As the Derry forward Joe Brolly picked up possession a Dublin supporter shouted "F**k off Brolly ye umbrella f**ker!"

[Mighty Pair O' Hands]

Hill 16 banter - a bit racist though..............
>
> Hill 16, CrokePark, Dublinplaying Westmeath and Jason Sherlcok becomes
> embroiled in a fight with the Westmeath corner back right in front of
> the Hill.  One wag shouts out....
>
> "Go on Jason, hit him with your wok!"

[Treasurer]

I've a very old minute book, which has some gems in it, such as when there was a game to be played 12 miles down the road and at the committee meeting

"it was agreed to hire one car for the lads who had no bikes".

(Made it into Eoghan Corry's "God and the Referee" book)

[Bord na Mona man]

9. "The wheel fell off my mobile home" -- Offaly's Eugene McGee explains why he was late for training.

That quote has got mangled up as the email has spread. It was a player who said it to Eugene. And it really happened.

http://www.uibhfhaili.com/offalygaa/int ... eugene.asp

"Eugene: They say the true stories are the best ones. I see an Offaly excuse from my time has become part of GAA folklore by now - that was the excuse given to me one Saturday afternoon by a player who was not at training. He said the wheel had fallen off his mobile home! I knew it was true because on my way to that particular session I had passed a mobile home in trouble on the side of the road as it was being transported but I did not know who owned it. I honestly cannot remember which player it was but I must do some research now that the incident has become so famous!"

11. 'We're taking this match awful seriously.We're training three times a week now, and some of the boys are off the
beer since Tuesday' -Offaly hurler quote in the week before a Leinster hurling final vs. Kilkenny

It's funny how Tom Humphries' piece of artistic license has now become an accepted "quote" from a mysterious Offaly hurler.

"In the era when the fitness Nazis run hurling, Offaly is the only county where an exasperated player will grab you by the lapel and say, listen, we've been training two nights a week for this and some of the lads are off the drink since Tuesday."

http://www.uibhfhaili.com/articles/view ... .php?id=25

[Treasurer]

The wheel fell off my mobile home"

Did anyone get the aforementioned "God and Referee" book? In the Indo recently they had a few excerpts from the book and the above was nonsensically quoted as "The wheel fell off my mobile phone" - I presume it was an Indo error and is correct in the book????

[Mighty Pair O' Hands]

The wheel fell off my mobile home"

Did anyone get the aforementioned "God and Referee" book? In the Indo recently they had a few excerpts from the book and the above was nonsensically quoted as "The wheel fell off my mobile phone" - I presume it was an Indo error and is correct in the book????

Treasurer, are you telling me your mobile phone hasn't got wheels ?? You are losing out big time. They are fierce handy when it falls out of your pocket !

[The Biff]

The legendary Kerry commentator could fill a thread on his own. Here's a few that I've gathered from his repertoire (some are rephrasing of some above; I cant vouch for which are the originals, if any).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"... and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, I'll tell ye a little story. I was in Times' Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have the Kerryman would ye?' To which, the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?' - he had both... so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..."

"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers."

"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner Street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, it’s a goal. So much for religion."

"Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. It's over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery."

"1-5 to 0-8.. well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language."

"Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now... but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail... I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"

"I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork, sponsored by a tae company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tae."

"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy."

"Danny "The Yank" Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn't he done well."

"He grabs the sliotar, he's on the 50... he's on the 40... he's on the 30... he's on the ground"

"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball".

"He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point... it went wide."

"Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly... Stephen, one of 12... all but one are here to-day, the one that's missing is Mary, she's at home minding the house... and the ball is dropping i lár na bpairce...."

"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21, fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide... and the dog lost as well."

"Sean Óg ó Hailpín.... his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold."

"Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation."

[Seán Boyle Ó Rathallaigh]

Young Cork Supporter after the 1973 Football All-Ireland when asked who his favourite Cork players were

"I have 3 favourites Jimmy, Barry and Murphy"

[mykneehurts]

OK lads. A friend of mine and I are actually thinking of publishing a book of dumb sports quotes and just out of curiousity I was wondering would anyone buy it if it was published. It is nearing the hundred page mark at this stage.

[ballymanabroad]

A Kilkenny fan to a Cork fan during last years Hurling final...

KK: Rebels me arse, the only one ye had ye shot him in the back! (Michael Collins)

to which the Cork fan replied...

C: At least he was ours to shoot!

If your mate is publishing a book he should look up the sayings of Yogi Berra (he was a batman for the Yankees way way back) who once said that "it was like Deja Vu all over again". And how could you go beyond Moss Keane for a few.