Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

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True Red
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Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by True Red »

A good article from last weekend, if a little embellished. Enjoyable all the same and certainly some hard chaws present on this board from the hurling heartland will identify with it.

Eamonn Sweeney: Hurling Man – a breed apart
Eamonn Sweeney – 07 April 2013

From Last Weekends Sunday Indo

in the first half last Sunday at Walsh Park, Galway corner-forward Davy Glennon slipped past his marker, Waterford corner-back Stephen Daniels, and looked set to score a goal. Which was when Glennon hauled him down. Over in Nowlan Park, Kilkenny's Colin Fennelly suffered a similar fate as he cut inside Cork full-back Brian Murphy.

It's a reasonable bet that had Fennelly and Glennon not been fouled they'd have scored goals. Instead their teams were awarded penalties, neither of which produced a goal.

Watching the fouls on Fennelly and Glennon, it struck me how common this particular type of offence is in hurling. We've been watching forwards being wrestled to the ground just as they were about to pull the trigger for a long time now.

It's probably because penalties are more difficult to score in hurling but this blatant rugby-tackling of an opponent through on goal isn't anything like as common in football. There's nothing manly or honest about it, it's simply a cynical act of the kind which prompted the introduction of the red card for a professional foul in soccer. The very type of offence, in other words, that the new black card rule is designed to stamp out in Gaelic football.

Yet during the debate about the introduction of the black card it was stated again and again that hurling didn't need such a rule. Cynical fouling, we were told, is absent from hurling. Now, having seen many hurlers hauled down as they were about to score, I was puzzled by the difference between rhetoric and reality. But then I realised that these statements were coming from Hurling Man, a creature ordinary mortals like ourselves do not possess the power to fully understand.

Hurling Man is not to be confused with the hurling fan. He is a different bag of sliotars altogether, a self-important colossus who resembles a cross between Matt The Thrasher from Knocknagow, Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons and one of those TV wine connoisseurs who could detect fruity wood notes in a bottle of Blue Nun. Anyone who's ever followed the GAA has encountered him along the way but, just in case you haven't, here are a few pointers to help in the identification of the species . . .

1 Hurling Man doesn't know why you bother with that aul' football at all at all. You can change all the rules you like but it'll always be a terrible spectacle on account of its bastard origins.

2 Hurling Man can debate at length the competing claims of Christy Ring and Mick Mackey to be regarded as the greatest player in the history of the game even though he never saw either man play.

3 Hurling Man was talking to a man who knows a man who knows a man who's involved with the team and told him that the manager has definitely lost the dressing room.

4 Hurling Man thinks the All-Ireland hurling final should be played in Thurles because the sod is much better.

5 Hurling Man is always unhappy with whatever system the GAA have come up with for the National League because he doesn't think any of the strong hurling counties ever deserve to be relegated or forced to play against Kerry.

6 Hurling Man is convinced that there's a plot to do away with the Munster Hurling Championship, so when the first exciting incident happens in the Munster final he shakes his head and says to everyone within earshot, 'And to think they were going to get rid of this.'

7 Hurling Man believes there's little point in trying to promote hurling in the weaker counties because they just don't have the tradition.

8 Hurling Man believes that if hurling was promoted in the proper way it could spread to other countries and become a major worldwide game.

9 Hurling Man gets great enjoyment out of an internet forum discussion on the efficacy of different brands of helmet even if it's a while since he wore one.

10 Hurling Man thinks Liam Griffin's statement that hurling is the Riverdance of sport is one of the great profound statements of Western civilisation. And so is the Micheál ó Muircheartaigh thing about neither of Seán óg ó hAilpín's parents coming from a hurling stronghold.

11 Hurling Man has a lot of favourite Micheál ó Muircheartaigh quotes which he'll tell you if you come back here for a minute.

12 Hurling Man isn't sure about Galway.

13 Hurling Man believes The Sunday Game should be anchored by someone with "a feel for hurling." Someone like Hurling Man.

14 Hurling Man derived much of his knowledge about the game from those Raymond Smith books he used to get at Christmas but is embarrassed by this and pretends he derived it from the giant folkloric collective unconscious.

15 Hurling man knows the right way to spell Paddy Rutschiztko. Which is Paddy Ruschitzko.

16 Hurling Man believes that the referee should let the game flow. Unless Kilkenny are doing the fouling.

17 Hurling Man felt personally let down by Lar Corbett's behaviour in last year's All-Ireland semi-final and will never forgive him for that affront to the spirit of the game.

18 Hurling Man believes there should be more ground hurling.

19 Hurling Man gets an orgasm if someone doubles on the ball in the air.

20 Hurling Man knows they hadn't a lot of ball work done when the teams met in the league.

21 Hurling Man is not the best person to meet on a long train journey. But he's better than the man who has a theory about how an Open Draw system could be made to work.

22 Hurling Man will occasionally say things like, "I seen he done well on Sunday," because it adds a folksy down-to-earth flavour to the conversation. What are you, a snob?

23 Hurling Man thinks Henry Shefflin took the wise option by pointing that penalty in last year's All-Ireland final. He'd have thought the same if Henry had gone for goal.

24 Hurling Man knows that it's not the 4-9 from the full-forward line which won the game but a particular clearance by the right half-back in the 11th minute.

25 Hurling Man just loves the Christy Ring quote about sticking a knife into every football east of Bandon. Or is it Kinsale? Hilarious.

26 Hurling Man likes to get his All-Ireland ticket the night before in a hotel bar after falling into conversation with someone who's got one to spare.

27 Hurling Man will tell you the stories about the Tipperary hurler, the Kilkenny hurler and the Tipperary hurler and the Limerick hurler and then tell you there's no truth in any of them.

28 Hurling Man thinks that hook there should be repeated for the benefit of any kids playing the game. It's a dying art.

29 Hurling Man thinks a black card rule would kill the game though it might survive in isolated pockets like the handful of survivors in The Walking Dead.

30 Hurling Man is concerned that the game is in trouble in Cork city.

31 Hurling Man is delighted to see the hurling revival in Dublin as long as they don't win anything of real significance.

32 Hurling Man says we shouldn't forget Billy when we're talking about the Rackards.

33 Hurling Man has doubts about Eoin Kelly's temperament. The Waterford lad, not the Tipp one.

34 Hurling Man mourns the loss of the North Mon and Farranferris.

35 Hurling Man believes inter-county players who've given a lot to the game should be allowed to choose the manner of their departure from the county team.

36 Hurling Man believes players should never be paid but should be looked after in some undefined way.

37 Hurling Man thinks no one is going to complain if the ref makes a draw of this one.

38 Hurling Man saw no malice in that pull. Or any pull.

39 Hurling Man wonders if you can follow the flight of the ball there, you being from a football county.

40 Hurling Man misses Carrolls All-Star wall charts in pubs and signed that Bring Back the James Last Sunday Game Theme Tune Petition.

41 Hurling Man enjoys the aul' banter.

42 Hurling Man thinks that in fairness the moderator is being a bit paranoid about libel.

43 Hurling Man wouldn't expect anything better from you, it's yourself you're showing up you ignorant hoor.

44 Hurling Man's nightmares are dominated by a green plastic Wavin hurl.

45 Hurling Man once met an American who told him they had no game like this in the States and couldn't believe the players were amateurs.

46 Hurling Man can remember the precise contents of the first Our Games annual bought for him.

47 Hurling Man admires Antrim's long struggle to keep the game alive despite British oppression and thinks the 'B' Championship is the place for them.

48 Hurling Man uses anecdotes from ghosted autobiographies and pretends they come from his personal experience. If challenged he'll say, "That's an old story. I can't believe you didn't hear it before."

49 Hurling Man believes that in the Amazon rain forest, the Western Sahara and the depths of Siberia, native herders and tribesmen are awed by the fact that hurling is the fastest field sport in the world

50 Hurling Man knows you're all only jealous.
If you don’t stand for something you fall for anything

Plain of the Herbs
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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by Plain of the Herbs »

With apologies to Eamonn Sweeney, but it's too good an opportunity to ignore -

1 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks all club hurling matches and Offaly matches should be played in Burrr. After all, Offaly are unbeaten in Birr, aren't they? Aren't they? And isn't the county boundary at the Blue Ball?

2- Offaly Hurling Man thinks the ball should be hit on the ground at all times. Definitely no lifting the ball allowed, and as for handpassing, that's only for the Munster crowd.

3 - Offaly Hurling Man only goes to Tellamore to visit someone in hospital. He's never been to O'Connor Park though. Shur why would he? That's just a football ground.

4 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks they should 'ask the men with the medals'.

5 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks the likes of Clare, and recently Dublin, only won what they did "because of their fitness".

6 - Offaly Hurling Man has never been to an actual Gaelic football match.

7 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks Brian Gavin should referee every club match in Offaly.

8 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks it's great to see Brosna Gaels doing well, once they don't go winning anything.

9 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks Ballinamere, Shamrocks, Brosna Gaels, Belmont, Clara etc. only "get fit from playing football".

10 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks Tellamore only won the County Final in 2009 because the Final was played in Tellamore.

11 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks Offaly would have beaten Cork in the Centenary All-Ireland if the match was in Croke Park.

12 - Offaly Hurling Man gets surprised when Offaly Minors get beaten by Westmeath and Carlow and can't fathom how Dublin manage to consistently beat Offaly at underage. (see 5 above)

13 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks the County Board have no interest in hurling. How could they? Shur they're all from the football end.

14 - Offaly Hurling Man thinks the football clubs shouldn't have any involvement in making decisions regarding hurling, at County Board level.

15 - Offaly Hurling Man envies Kilkenny's attitude to football.

16 - Offaly Hurling Man growls "arra pull on it" every time two or more players contest possession in a ruck.

17 - Offaly Hurling Man felt cheated when he was beaten by Ferbane, Clara, Ballinamere or Tullamore in underage 'B' Finals (see 9 above).

18 - Offaly Hurling Man would have no idea where Ballyfore, Kilclonfert, Cappincur or Bracknagh are.

19 - Offaly Hurling Man loves hooking and blocking.

20 - Offaly Hurling Man is proud that thousands used flock from Tipperary to attend the Offaly County Final in Birr. Yet he can't fathom why the 'football crowd' would have any business at the same match. Why would they? They'd never figure hurling out.

21 - Offaly Hurling Man is concerned that so many of St Rynaghs' Senior and U21 players come from Cloghan.
Pat Donegan. Signed out of respect for players and all involved with Offaly.

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Bord na Mona man
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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by Bord na Mona man »

Offaly Hurling Man believes that Dublin, Carlow, Westmeath produce manufactured hurlers at underage, but they'll all be found out at senior by Offaly’s natural hurlers.

Offaly Hurling Man thinks that academies and underage work are a waste of time and money. You either have 'it' or you don't. Shure how many All Irelands have Dublin hurlers won lately?

Offaly Hurling Man knows that Kilkenny still fear Offaly.

Offaly Hurling Man maintains that DJ Carey was always held against Offaly, bar maybe the 6 or 7 games when he bagged goals against us.

Offaly Hurling Man believes that every Offaly team should have 4 panel beaters from Rynaghs and 4 wristy waifs from Burr.

Offaly Hurling Man believes it was a pity that an outsider Kevin Martin played in ’94. Otherwise he could boast about the team all coming from within 8 miles of Birr - not having to keep qualifying it with "except for Kevin Martin".

Offaly Hurling Man knows that Galway always bottle it against Offaly.

Offaly Hurling Man says Offaly never give up and are never beaten.

Offaly Hurling Man believes that it is great experience for the lads from North Offaly to attend county trails. He is very open minded about such things.

Offaly Hurling Man believes that the next couple of managers will be Birr men considering there are several of them with multiple All Ireland county and club medals.

Offaly Hurling Man says that even watching football while flicking channels slows down a hurler's reflexes.

Offaly Hurling Man believes Offaly lost to Kilkenny by 31 points in 2005 because they abandoned ground hurling.

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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by durra1 »

1. Offaly Hurling Man still has the faded Guinness Hurling Championship sticker from the mid-nineties on the back window of the car which allows him to daydream back to that time.

2. Offaly Hurling Man like to remind everyone from other counties that Offaly have every position filled on the Allstars . He says he thinks the footballers did the same but can’t be sure.

3. Offaly Hurling Man cried tears of joy in Croke Park after the 1980 Leinster final - along with 40,000 others.

4. Offaly Hurling Man was at the ‘battle of Birr’ between Galway and Offaly - along with 40,000 others.

5. Offaly Hurling Man believes Paddy Molloy was better than Ring, Mackey et. all 'any day of the week'.

6. Offaly Hurling Man believes Ger Coughlan would still stand out in the modern game.

7. Offaly Hurling Man sees no reason why any of the Birr, Coolderry or Rynaghs lads should pass the sliotar to anyone not from those clubs during underage country trial games.

8. Offaly Hurling Man sees no reason why any of the Clareeen, Kinnitty, Lusmagh or Shinrone lads should pass the sliotar to anyone not from those clubs during underage country trial games but should instead automatically find a man from any of those clubs at 7 above because ‘those lads are born with hurls with their hands’.

9. Offaly Hurling Man believes that anyone not from those clubs at 7 and and 8 above who finds himself in the highly unlikely scenario of actually being in possession during an underage country trial game should immediately drop the ball where he stands and return to his position to ‘let the real hurlers at it’.

10. Offaly Hurling Man sees a direct correlation between the counties demise and ‘birdcages’ becoming compulsory at underage level.

11. Offaly Hurling Man believes the North Offaly upstarts like Tullamore had no right to beat Birr in the 2010 county quarter final preventing Brian Whelahan equalling Damien Martins record.

12. Offaly Hurling Man dreams of the day when Offaly bate the great satan that is Tipp in championship hurling.

13. Offaly Hurling Man says Carraig can f&*k off back to Tipp for all he cares.

14. Offaly Hurling Man admires solid Laois hurling areas like Camross and Castletown but he resents that Offaly will have to line out against then in the 2013 League – the only thing he cares about the league.

15. Offaly Hurling Man will be in denial when Offaly compete in the Christy Ring cup in 2016 and believes it will be only a short time before they lift Liam again.

16. Offaly Hurling Man believes KK is really a football club masquerading as a hurling club and Dan Currams treachery by joining the county football panel in 2012 is clear evidence of his belief.

17. Offaly Hurling Man believes Dan Currams treachery was ‘in the blood’.

18. Offaly Hurling Man believes Shane Lowry’s ball striking ability is explained by his mother’s South Offaly lineage who strayed into Ferbane during the Emergency. It most defiantly has nothing to do with his father’s side.

19. Offaly Hurling Man believes Joe Bergin is still the great white hope for the county side – only because he is related to John Troy.

20. Offaly Hurling man loves Daithi Regan.

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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by Lone Shark »

Love it.......

Offaly hurling man believes that we should do more to try and be like Kilkenny - he particularly admires the way the hurl every game, league and championship, at full intensity.

Offaly hurling man passes no remarks on club and county league results, because it's only the league.

Offaly hurling man is fierce interested in breeding. A young lad whose father and uncles won All Ireland medals is bound to come good, he comes from good stock after all.

Offaly hurling man presumes that any good hurler from anywhere north of the Blue Ball must have a father from Birr, Coolderry, or Kinnitty. Or Tipperary, or Kilkenny.

Offaly hurling man thinks that training drills should be all about ground hurling, then roars "is it hot?!" in exasperation when lads can't catch a ball in a match.

Offaly hurling man really admires clubs like Gracefield and Edenderry, who keep hurling going in the north of the county.

Offaly hurling man thinks it's harmless when his own club's junior team gives a walkover in their away match against Edenderry or Gracefield because it's so far away. Shur you couldn't be travelling that far after having a few pints the night before.

Offaly hurling man hates Wexford, and thinks they're a shower of hackers and barbarians. Except Adrian Fenlon, he was a class act.

Offaly hurling man thinks John Fenton's goal against Limerick was the greatest score in the history of the GAA.

Offaly hurling says "how long ref!"in vain about twenty times in every match.

Offaly hurling man loves a good sideline cut.

Offaly hurling man thinks Offaly need to be hurling better teams in the league. When Offaly lose to Antrim or Laois in the league, he thinks it's because you can't get yourself up for games like that.

Offaly hurling man is worried about Offaly's underage results, until he goes to one close under-16 game and then thinks everything is fine again.

Offaly hurling man got fierce worried when Birr started going well in the Intermediate football.

Offaly hurling man thinks that Ballinamere only started to win games when Michael Duignan came in.

Offaly hurling man loves going to a game in Thurles.

Offaly hurling man thinks Tullamore is too far away to be going to games.

Offaly hurling man believes that the best hurling is always done on a big wide open field like Semple Stadium.

Offaly hurling man would die a death if he learned that the biggest field in Offaly in O'Connor Park, and that it's the same size to the yard as Semple Stadium.
Kevin Egan. Signed out of respect for players and all involved with Offaly.

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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by durra1 »

Offaly Hurling Man believes propagandists of the ‘traditional counties’ were the start of the myth that it took the arrival of Brother Vincent and Diarmuid Healy on the Offaly hurling scene to make all-Ireland success possible. All Ireland success for Offaly was predestined then as it remains now.

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Bord na Mona man
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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by Bord na Mona man »

Offaly Hurling Man jumps up and yells "yeeow, that's how it's done" whenever a player hits a ground stroke. He is too busy sitting down and straightening his coat to notice that the ball trickled over the sideline.

Offaly Hurling Man was delighted when the hurlers were locked out of Tellamore and thinks the padlocks should have stayed.

Offaly Hurling Man thinks Offaly hurling is only half dressed so long as Drumcullen aren't regulars on county final day.

Offaly Hurling Man believes Paudge Mulhare should be a permanent fixture on every backroom team as a link to past success. Add in Pat Moloughney, Andy Gallagher and Paddy Kirwan now that you mention it.

Offaly Hurling Man thinks that Padraig Horan taking the league seriously back in 1991 was the most foolish thing an Offaly manager has ever done.

Offaly Hurling Man loves the white knuckle atmosphere at league games in Fortress Birr.

Offaly Hurling Man chuckles at other counties taking the league too seriously when they trounce Offaly.

Offaly Hurling Man knows that playing Offaly in Birr puts the fear of God in every hurler.

Offaly Hurling Man thinks that short puckouts should be outlawed

Offaly Hurling Man thinks that underage programmes should list the father, mother and uncles of the player. Otherwise, who is he?

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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by joe bloggs »

Jaysus lads who the hell hypnotized me to get all that out of my brain
'if your not part of the solution, your part of the problem' J. McClean

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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by Plain of the Herbs »

We have found our archetypal Offaly Hurling Man. Step forward and take a bow, Johnny B.
JohnnyB wrote:in my last comment i left out the part that i thought it was a disgrace that this u21 final is moved to tullamore a joke ... it is a game between ryanghs and shinrone if it was played in birr would have alot more onlookers as it is in the hurling hinterland...... as for daithi he may be a bit head strong but at the same time does he not make a valid point about where these games should be rightfully held

I for one will not attend a game in tullamore and will be at attendence of the game between offaly in carlow so i will be number 51 including the 50 goin to tullamore but i would not attend this game in tullamore nor would i attend the u21 finally
Pat Donegan. Signed out of respect for players and all involved with Offaly.

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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by durra1 »

Dathi ??? Is that you (JohnnyB) ??

I know it’s been a rough few weeks for you what with your hero Gareth Bale going over on the ankle and all the eulogising of the Iron Lady coming from across the pond.

You can cyber-hug-it-out with all your friends on uibhfhaili.com.

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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by ryot »

This has to be the most stupid attitude of all.

Wont go to support club or county in Tullamore but we can be sure will go to Thurles to see other clubs/counties.

I have attended games in Tullamore & Birr ( and back in the day played in Tullamore & Birr) and it would never have been an issue of one of these venues not being suitable or proper.

Time to grow up & grow a pair Johnny !!!!

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Bord na Mona man
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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by Bord na Mona man »

Will Offaly Hurling Man attend next Wednesday's Open Forum in Birr?
He'll probably drop in to tell us that the solution is simple - ground hurling and all games in Birr!
Then he'll chastise any people who cite Laois as a good underage example - There's nothing we could learn from them, what have they won etc....

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Re: Hurling Man – a Breed Apart

Post by Ahlethimoutwithit »

I'd be more interested in seeing how many of the prophets on this forum make the effort to go along to this open forum!

If ye have an interest in seeing what is being suggested and making a suggestion, make the effort.

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